I haven't been here in awhile because I'm busy over at my other blog and maybe someday soon I'll get to stop by here and update the blogosphere on the happenings in our lives, but right now I feel like if I don't get out what I'm feeling, I'm gonna explode. :)
If you know me, you know it's no secret how much I've wanted to have a daughter. When I was pregnant with Jax, we decided to be done having children and I had a tubal ligation done. Shortly after Jax was born, though, I felt like maybe that wasn't the right decision. Because I don't know if I'll ever get over the desire to have a daughter. I love my sons. My entire life is lived for my children (and my husband). My day begins and ends with these boys and I love them tremendously.
I should be perfectly content to have three happy, healthy little boys. My boys are the light of my life.
But I can't stop wanting a daughter. I can't help it. I don't love my boys any less, it's just how I feel.
So my heart has been pulled in the direction of adoption. And not just any adoption. It's not a baby I'm wanting to adopt, because everyone wants babies. I'd like a daughter a little older...and by a little, I mean 13+. Because I sit here and look at kids waiting to be adopted and my heart just breaks, like I can almost feel it literally breaking. Breaking for a child who won't find a permanent home and will age out of the foster care system. Breaking for a daughter who just wants to be loved.
We don't have a lot of money, the house (while I love it!) isn't the grandest, the largest, or most expensive. We clip coupons and shop secondhand to save some cash. So I can't offer the world to a daughter, I can't offer designer clothes (well, not a full price anyway), or a new car to drive, or little brothers that won't be annoying. But surely that's ok, right? We don't have an endless amount of material possessions (and lately, I seem to want to get rid of more and more), but man could I love my daughter.
If only it was all that easy....
