My plan for the day.

So I finally got to go downtown and do some shopping. In cute little (way overpriced) stores with no kids whining or me begging them to keep their hands in their pockets. Marissa and I had a LOVELY time!!

I also saw so many things I loved. Lots of them, I could make myself. So that's what I'm working on now. The things I loved the most were plastic bag bags (tote/handbags made out of plastic grocery bags), crocheted necklaces (still working on that DIY plan), chocolate mustaches, and LOTS of ideas for Robyn's baby shower. I will say that Robyn's shower is shaping up to be the nicest, cutest one I've ever thrown. I think it will be that way mostly because there are so many of us that are going to work on it.

Today when I take a break from coupon clipping, I think I'm making the boys some chocolate mustaches. I saw them at a gorgeous, yummy chocolate shop downtown but at $5 for a pair, I thought for sure I could make some for my guys. So that's task #1.

I've also promised the boys that we would make sidewalk chalk. It's on our summer fun list, and we've been meaning to do it for a week, but we've been super busy. So today is the day.

But I also have lots of coupons to go through, figure out something for dinner when we don't have much (I haven't been to the store in two weeks!), cleaning to do, and Adi has VBS. Fortunately, Adam should be home at some point this morning to help out with stuff.

If I manage to get things done like I'm hoping, pictures will be posted!! :)

My hands, they were strong.

It's a little after one so it's just about my bedtime. Guess I'll say my peace for the day.

And I have none. :)

Good things happening around my house:

1. I bought two Trofast toy storage systems yesterday. They originated at ikea and some lovely couple bought them, took them home, assembled them with 5,723 screw thingees and an allen wrench the size of pencil lead. Sometime after that and before yesterday they decided they didn't want them anymore. Enter craigslist. And me, the craigslist junkie (though my stalking is for furniture and not pets....like it is for *some people*). I saw them, sensed a steal, and pounced.

I went to pick them up in an area I didn't know existed in Maryland. Spent about forty seven hours trying to load them into the van (yay the sto-n-go saved me, boo the sto-n-go hates me...nearly thought I'd have to leave a kid behind). Got them home and into the house. Those suckers are heavy. And the moving muscles were left to me, Ms. Zero Upper Body Strength, and Adisson, a 40 pound 8 year old. Thought for sure the things were going to be sitting in the driveway when Adam got home. But alas we got them in. And started the long, gross process of cleaning them. I won't badmouth the people who assembled this furniture because assembling crap from ikea is more frustrating than trying to catch floating poop in a bathwater (uhhh, that also happened to me yesterday), but I'll nicely say that these items were *ahem* less than clean.

Got them cleaned and disinfected. Today, we drug them into the school room and started dumping crap into the tubs. I told the boys that if we got the school room reorganized, I'd let them get their old Little People out from under the stairs (like, 25 year old Little People toys, not elderly residents of our creepy storage area). We cleaned a little but it's not done and I realized I have no desire to dig those storage tubs out of the closet, so I'm making them wait for Adam to get them...and they aren't happy.

2. I'm growing peas! So I started my earthbox this year and I'm growing peas and baby carrots (or like midget carrots or something). It's been going along well and in the past few days I've noticed pea pods on the vines! I can now grow humans and peas!! They aren't ready yet and the carrots won't be ready for another month or so, but it's working!

We started our pumpkins last weekend. We're already a month behind on getting them into the ground, so I'm not sure how well this is going to work out for us this year, but I'll try anything. I told the boys we could grow the Great Pumpkin so darn it if I'm not going to give it a shot.

That's about all. Got lots of cleaning to do tomorrow before my husband returns home. Not sure what he's going to say about having to eat my cooking now instead of having a real chef cook for him for the last few weeks (ohhh, Army life is clearly hard work), but I'm also not sure it matters. :) I'm sure he'll be gone on another mission soon.

In the meantime, it's nearly 2:00 and that's my bedtime. Unfortunately, that's about four hours after Adam's bedtime so I'm going to have a fun time changing that now that he's coming home. Old men sure do like to get to bed early.

A classified ad for my reading audience of 2.

In a perfect world, Maryland and Ohio would be neighbors. Like I could go over to Tiffany's a few times a week and see her and the kids. And my niece (soon to be nieces, plural!!) and nephews could come over to Aunt 'Cole's for fun, for crafts, for cake, for sleepovers. Because I'm a pretty rad aunt. And my littles will never know. :(

Because sometimes it sucks being without a best friend that you can hang out with. I do have friends here. Amazing friends. Friends I'm more than blessed by. I could call any one of them in a pinch and I know I'd have people to count on. But I want a best friend.

I'm from the school of more than one person can be your bestie. Like, T-Yo is my bestie. She's my homegirl, my sister, my truly, my once in a lifetime partner in crime (and by crime, I mean life...the life of mothering and being a wifey). But she lives a few hundred miles away and we consider it a good year if we get to see each other twice. I feel like I should pay a daily homage to Alexander Graham Bell as without his telephone invention, I'd be a saddddd girly.

So my friends here, they kind of already have their favorites. I'm included. I'm invited. We hang out. We talk on the phone. We go on outings together. We plan family weekends together, but I'm not the first one they call if they need something, or if they have exciting news. I hear about it, I'm kept in The Know. But still.

So the spot is open. Maryland Best Friend needed. Must love kids, shopping, kid entertainment (museums, zoos, etc.), playdates, girls day out, bargains, and hanging out. An interest in crafts and coupons are a plus. :)

I know, Mom, you already told me you love me today!

Tons to say, but holding a baby who won't go to sleep. :)

I have the best kids. So not really, sometimes they whine, sometimes they fight (ok, lots of times) and sometimes I get very aggravated with them. But man are they good kids. :)

They are nice, considerate, polite, respectful, endearing, thoughtful, and loving.

Smart, generous, brave, timid, apprehensive, daring, creative, sweet.

I couldn't be more fortunate, more blessed, more in love.

I keep getting told that God gives me the kids He wants for me to have. I've been struggling a lot lately with why God didn't feel like I should have a daughter. But I couldn't be happier with my boys. They are the greatest gifts in my life.

Even when they torment each other, even when they do things they KNOW they shouldn't, they are so amazing and so wonderful.

I tell them that. I tell them how great I think they are everyday.

Everyday? Are you sure, Nicole?

Yes. Everyday, those boys know how much they mean to me. How much I love them. How great I think they are.

Adisson gets embarrassed, Zander gets excited, Jax is just confused, but they all know that their Mom thinks they are great.

So I may not be great at a lot of things, but I know I'm great at that. :)

.......instead.......

I am a huge Nicholas Sparks fan. Read everything he writes. At least twice. So I definitely had to have "Dear John" when it was released. Since it's about a relationship with a man in the Army, it definitely hit close to home. I cried a lot when I read it. Both times. So when the movie came out, I decided there was no way. Not going to watch it. I live the life (not that one specifically, per se) so why cry my eyes out while it's on the tv in front of me?

But I watched it. I started it last night and when it got to the part where I wanted to throw the remote, I turned it off. Then declared that I was going to delete it from my DVR list. I didn't. I finished it tonight. Cried a lot. A whole lot.

Because I know that feeling. I know the feeling of being second fiddle to the Army. Adam and I knew each other way before he met the United States Army. Had a baby before his flirtation with the Army began. But when the war started, the love of my life, found a new love. And since May 21, 2003 when he swore his allegiance to this country, my life has never been the same.

Sometimes the honor of being an Army wife is overwhelming and I realize that our sacrifice, the sacrifices of my children, are all worth it.

But sometimes, I'm selfish. I doubt that will ever go away (hello, it's the Nicole Show, thought you knew!). Sometimes, I want to be more important than the Army. More important that a unit, a company, a battery, a brigade. More important than the next mission, the next career move, the next school, the next training. Sometimes, I want to be reminded that his loyalty is to me, to us, not to the service.

So watching a movie where someone decides that his loyalty to the Army is more important than the love of his life, is heartbreaking. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way. Maybe I should be proud (I always am), maybe I should be less selfish, less needy (trust me, I've come a long way). Maybe I'm the only Army wife that feels like I'm just along for the ride. Somehow I doubt that.

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Smiling now...

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

But sometimes it hurts instead."

Man, I could listen to Adele all day. Most amazing voice. Must buy album. :)

In other news, sometimes I just need to think. I guess that time would be now. It's late. The boys have been asleep for awhile, so they'll be up in just mere hours. But sometimes, I just need to remind myself that I'm not only, Nicole, SSG McGhee's wife, Nicole, Adisson, Zander, and Jaxon's Mom, but way before those things, I was just Nicole. Sometimes, I feel like I get lost and lose sight of who I am when not defined by the boys in my life. I love being a mother, and I suppose I'll say that being a wife is lovely as well (though, not nearly as easy as being a mother), but who am I outside of those definitions? And why, as I'm so close to thirty I feel like it's about to smother me with its finality of age, don't I know who I am? How am I not comfortable with myself, in my own skin, as my own person? When do I find that?

Anyway, off to finish sorting q's for the girls.

"Trying to make it work, but man these times are hard."

Toot bags are funny!

I always feel like I want to talk about specific things but then I never do.

Like how I saved a ton of money at CVS this week. ($3.47 for $34.45 worth of stuff, with $9.99 in ecb's leftover)

Or how I saved a little bit of money at Giant Eagle this week. (saved $80 on my groceries, spending $110....little more than I like to spend, a little less than I like to save, but it is what it is.)

Or how I've decided on a school plan for next year (uhhh, finally!) and I'm pretty excited to school both my boys at the same time and I know I'll quickly regret that as soon as school starts.

Or the cool things I've planned on our Summer Fun List.

Or the amazing things we did this week (lake with friends (Christine, Marissa, and Robyn) on Monday, playdate at Lynda's on Tuesday, grocery shopping with all the boys on Wednesday, dinner and cake pops with Marissa on Friday, Home Depot Kids Workshop and lunch with Kelly and kids this afternoon).

Or my pretty exciting project plans (console tv rehab, bench rehab, and table makeover).

Or my plans for the kids bedrooms.

Or my amazingly awesome trip we're planning (errr, I'm planning) to visit Gettysburg, Sesame Place, the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

But instead I ramble on and on about nothing or everything. But that's how I am. I'm a variety bag of candy. Some pieces are yummy (sometimes I'm fun to be around), some pieces are sticky (sometimes I'm indecisive), some pieces are gross (sometimes, I'm just a witch), but I am who I am. I hope that the bad stuff continues to be less as I feel it does as I get older and the good stuff continues to be greater because all in all, I'm a pretty rad person. Maybe it's weird to toot my own horn (I hate saying toot because I have boys that say it all the time, but it's also funny after hearing Ava call a whoopie cushion a "toot bag"), but really, I kinda have to be pretty awesome...because have you met my kids....pretty amazing and I also have some of the best friends ever in all of the world....so that must mean I'm pretty best as well. :)

Today, however, has been chaotic as the boys are DEFINITELY missing their daddy and when that happens, EVERYONE gets fussy.

Furniture rehab!!

Soooo, I've decided to start my first piece of furniture rehab. I saw on a few blogs where people took a console TV and turned it into something else after taking the tv guts out. And I decided I would be one of those people. AND, as fate would have it, about 24 minutes after I decide that I NEED a console TV, someone on craigslist lists one for free and it's only 15 minutes away. Adam can't go get it himself because console tv's apparently weigh 273 pounds. So we load up all the kids at nine o'clock at night to go get a tv. It's kinda out in

the middle of nowhere so I'm hopeful it will still be curbside once we get there. Otherwise, all four of my boys are gonna be unhappy....yikes.

It is still there. :)

We load it and come home. Then my sweet, wonderful husband takes all the crap out of it. LOTS of screws, TONS of wires and the tv pieces are removed and I'm left with a shell. Unfortunately, Adam is leaving tomorrow for 2 1/2 weeks in Oklahoma so whatever I don't get done today with his help with have to be done by me (riiiiight) or wait until he gets home (way more likely).

But I'm thrilled. What am I turning it into you ask? I'm making it a shoe cubby. "Brief" backstory: We live in a split foyer. You come to the front door and inside you have to go upstairs or downstairs, there's nothing at the door. We don't wear shoes in the house so when we come in the front door, all the shoes get left at the door. There are ten feet in this house and about 13 pairs of shoes constantly sitting at the front door waiting for feet. It's a mess. So I decide we are going to start coming in the garage door and go through the game room to get to the stairs. That means a huge pile of shoes in ADAM'S ROOM! Perish the thought. So he's scooped them all up and tossed them in my craft closet (sleep with one eye open, destroyer of creativity and peace). So we need a shoe cubby. Hence the console tv. Sure, I could work a shoe cubby out of a $40 piece of furniture at Target, but I wanna make something (other than crocheted baby booties). Here's hoping I can get this done before the end of the summer.....

Another busy weekend....

What a great weekend! On Friday we met up with some of my favorite people at a lake I'd never been to. It had a nice man made beach that we sat on to watch the kids in the water. My big boys had the best time! After Jax got over his issue with sand, he had a great time, too. There are pics, so I'll try to upload them soon. :)

Friday night, I got to have a date with my friend Robyn! :) We fed her current food addiction (frozen yogurt) and sat outside on a bench and talked for a few hours. It was so nice as I never get to spend enough time with Robyn, one of the coolest people ever.

Saturday, we went to Home Depot for the boys to build at the Kids Workshop. They made super cute electronic valets. I'm hoping we can get them painted this week. Adi wants to keep his to charge his stuff, but Zander is giving his to me. :) Then he went to Adisson's soccer game. His team lost, again, but he did soooo well. I was so proud of how hard he played!

We went to WalMart right after the game to pick up stuff for a cookout we were having. Adam asked his friends that helped us move into the house to come over for dinner. They did, bringing with them their family or girlfriend and we had such a great time. I invited Marissa and Lukas over to hang out since they are down one family member for the next few weeks (while Marissa's husband is off doing Army stuff). Of course, Adam put his friends to work by having them help him build a kid wash for the boys. They can't wait to play with it today, despite the cloudy, overcast sky. :)

Today, Adam has his first paid gig as a photographer. :) I hope it goes well despite the aforementioned crappy lack of sunlight. I'm sure it will, I'm just nervous for him. We also have a soccer game to watch this afternoon. They only have two games left, but Adam will miss next Saturday's game because he'll be away for work, so we're definitely excited to see today's game. I need to run to the store afterwards because I have blood treatment tomorrow so I won't be able to get much done and Adam leaves on Tuesday.

Just another busy day. :) But I sure love it this way!

Today

Sigh.

Last June I started using Livestrong to document my fitness goals. I signed in today for the first time since sometime last June. I've gained weight since then, not that I'm surprised. I seemed to lose my baby weight from Jax last summer, but I do know some of that is attributed to my getting very sick in August and being hospitalized.

After I got out of the hospital and was diagnosed with CVID, I started my blood infusions. And since then, I've gained 15 pounds. That's not a lot to some people, but I typically weigh less than 100 pounds. It's a lot to me and it's noticeable. Some days it's the only thing I think about. On those days, I realize how grateful I am that I don't have a daughter to pass on my horrible issues with body image. :(

I want to be in better shape. I have to be in better shape. I don't want to live my life being miserable because of issues that I can control but choose not to.

So Jillian Michaels kicks the tar outta me each night when I do her Ripped in 30 dvd. It sucks, it's hard, it makes me sweaty and sticky. But it works. And I pray and pray and pray that I can stick to it.

I just have to.