It must be a dream....

Last night I was getting ready to go to WalMart to do my grocery shopping when I noticed the sky was a dreadful color of black and gray. Knowing Adisson would worry about my safety if I was out in a storm, I decided to delay my shopping trip and stay home. The storm turned out to be tornadoes! We didn't have any in our immediate area, but some in the county. The sirens sounded four times!

Adisson spiked a fever and started complaining of not feeling well while I was watching the news/weather between innings of the playoffs. He finally fell asleep on me, so it was good I stayed home.

I finally managed my trip to WalMart tonight, only to find a small lost boy in the baby section. I won't relive the whole situation again, as I have told it three times already, but there he was....lost and looking for his mom. I waited with him (and another shopper and walmart employees) for fifteen minutes and three customer pages before his mom showed up. I was so sick about the whole thing. HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT YOU HAVE LOST YOUR TODDLER???? It was heartbreaking.

I miss my husband. I hate thinking that there are 454 days until he's home again. But that's where I am. Thinking about how much I miss him and how incredibly slow these next looooooog months are going to go. Someone pinch me...

Already

Do you know that feeling that you get when you are about to puke? You just feel it welling up inside and you know you just have to be sick to make it go away. That's how I feel.

He can't be gone. Like, how is it possible???? I just welcomed him home a year ago. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to be alone again, I don't want to raise kids by myself again, I don't want to do this again. I want off of this horrible spinning nightmare. I don't want to do this. I don't think I can do this. I want my husband home.

How can I make it all go away? How can I make this be over?????????? How do I possibly get through another 450 days?????