Sigh.

Last June I started using Livestrong to document my fitness goals. I signed in today for the first time since sometime last June. I've gained weight since then, not that I'm surprised. I seemed to lose my baby weight from Jax last summer, but I do know some of that is attributed to my getting very sick in August and being hospitalized.

After I got out of the hospital and was diagnosed with CVID, I started my blood infusions. And since then, I've gained 15 pounds. That's not a lot to some people, but I typically weigh less than 100 pounds. It's a lot to me and it's noticeable. Some days it's the only thing I think about. On those days, I realize how grateful I am that I don't have a daughter to pass on my horrible issues with body image. :(

I want to be in better shape. I have to be in better shape. I don't want to live my life being miserable because of issues that I can control but choose not to.

So Jillian Michaels kicks the tar outta me each night when I do her Ripped in 30 dvd. It sucks, it's hard, it makes me sweaty and sticky. But it works. And I pray and pray and pray that I can stick to it.

I just have to.