Last night I was getting ready to go to WalMart to do my grocery shopping when I noticed the sky was a dreadful color of black and gray. Knowing Adisson would worry about my safety if I was out in a storm, I decided to delay my shopping trip and stay home. The storm turned out to be tornadoes! We didn't have any in our immediate area, but some in the county. The sirens sounded four times!
Adisson spiked a fever and started complaining of not feeling well while I was watching the news/weather between innings of the playoffs. He finally fell asleep on me, so it was good I stayed home.
I finally managed my trip to WalMart tonight, only to find a small lost boy in the baby section. I won't relive the whole situation again, as I have told it three times already, but there he was....lost and looking for his mom. I waited with him (and another shopper and walmart employees) for fifteen minutes and three customer pages before his mom showed up. I was so sick about the whole thing. HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE THAT YOU HAVE LOST YOUR TODDLER???? It was heartbreaking.
I miss my husband. I hate thinking that there are 454 days until he's home again. But that's where I am. Thinking about how much I miss him and how incredibly slow these next looooooog months are going to go. Someone pinch me...
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Already
Do you know that feeling that you get when you are about to puke? You just feel it welling up inside and you know you just have to be sick to make it go away. That's how I feel.
He can't be gone. Like, how is it possible???? I just welcomed him home a year ago. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to be alone again, I don't want to raise kids by myself again, I don't want to do this again. I want off of this horrible spinning nightmare. I don't want to do this. I don't think I can do this. I want my husband home.
How can I make it all go away? How can I make this be over?????????? How do I possibly get through another 450 days?????
He can't be gone. Like, how is it possible???? I just welcomed him home a year ago. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to be alone again, I don't want to raise kids by myself again, I don't want to do this again. I want off of this horrible spinning nightmare. I don't want to do this. I don't think I can do this. I want my husband home.
How can I make it all go away? How can I make this be over?????????? How do I possibly get through another 450 days?????
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Yuck.
Ok, the boys...all three of them...got sick over the weekend. Z. still isn't feeling 100% better. :( But I'm sooo sick of talking about vomit (I guess that pun could be intended) that I'm not going to anymore tonight.
Without talking about puke, I could have nothing else to mention. :(
A. is getting bored with school already. It's me. I am having a hard time with my curriculum choices and I'm now regretting my decision. I think I just need to think and pray about it. And make school better. That's my job as Mom and Teacher! :) Hopefully, I can find some peace and figure this all out. We'll see.
I've got some other stuff on my mind. But it's after midnight and I have a few more things I want to get done tonight. Maybe next time....
Without talking about puke, I could have nothing else to mention. :(
A. is getting bored with school already. It's me. I am having a hard time with my curriculum choices and I'm now regretting my decision. I think I just need to think and pray about it. And make school better. That's my job as Mom and Teacher! :) Hopefully, I can find some peace and figure this all out. We'll see.
I've got some other stuff on my mind. But it's after midnight and I have a few more things I want to get done tonight. Maybe next time....
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Let me off!
I want to be one of those really strong people that other people talk about when they say "She was such a strong person, never asked why, just did the best she could." But I can't be her, because I'm not just asking why, I'm standing on the rooftop screaming why.
Why does he have to leave again? Why already? He hasn't been home a year yet. Granted, it will be a year next week, but my whining argument sounds better if I say "not even a year, yet!" so we're gonna go with that. What do I tell my kids? How do I make my little guys understand that he's leaving...again? A. is nearly five. He'll be a whole hand full of fingers in November. His daddy has only lived with him for like 20 months....of the 58 months that we've been blessed to be his parents. When I tell him that daddy will be gone for 15 months (although he'll have NO idea how long that is), he's going to be devastated. My husband will leave behind a 4 year old and a 10 month old baby and come back to a six year old and a 2 year old. :(
How do I make it through the next few weeks knowing that the time is coming? It's coming so fast! I feel like I'm being hurled towards D-Day (deployment day) at breakneck speed. It's like being on a roller coaster when you're completely terrified of them (which I, and any other normal person, am) and you're begging the guy to let you off. You're pushing at the safety bar in front of you, you're grasping on to his shirt, you're screaming and begging to please get off of the freaking ride! But he ignores you and pulls the lever anyway. In the few seconds that you're inching up a hill so high that a dropped penny would shatter the ground, you've vowed to exact your revenge on coaster man. You take a few seconds for plotting because it takes your mind off of the imminent horror show you're about to endure and then you plummet toward the earth.....deployment has begun. Some days are good days and you're flying high, some days are just plain crappy days and you feel so low, there are so many twists and turns that you've forgotten what the beginning looked like. You're screaming the whole time...but on the inside because you don't want anyone to know you can't handle it. I know that it stops as quickly as it started....when it's over you are so incredibly happy that you've made it and you are so thrilled that you momentarily forget the last 15 endless, tortorous months, albeit momentarily.
I know the ride ends. I know that there's a tunnel and it does indeed have an end. But I'm nearly staring right at the beginning of this tunnel. Just standing here peering into the darkness. It's so dark and endless. There's a light, but it's so far away that I can't see. At that time, two little hands reach up to grab mine. They know I am supposed to lead them to the other side. They know they'll be safe with me, although scared that the big, goofy guy is gone. But I'm scared he'll be gone, too.
I'm not ready. I mean, I've got most of my paperwork together. It's all neat and tidy. The Army could make a two hour briefing on my ability to effectively organize my important family documents. But I'm just not ready to do the single parent dance. And with my family 350 miles away. I don't want to do this, I don't want to be in this place, and I don't care who knows it.
Why does he have to leave again? Why already? He hasn't been home a year yet. Granted, it will be a year next week, but my whining argument sounds better if I say "not even a year, yet!" so we're gonna go with that. What do I tell my kids? How do I make my little guys understand that he's leaving...again? A. is nearly five. He'll be a whole hand full of fingers in November. His daddy has only lived with him for like 20 months....of the 58 months that we've been blessed to be his parents. When I tell him that daddy will be gone for 15 months (although he'll have NO idea how long that is), he's going to be devastated. My husband will leave behind a 4 year old and a 10 month old baby and come back to a six year old and a 2 year old. :(
How do I make it through the next few weeks knowing that the time is coming? It's coming so fast! I feel like I'm being hurled towards D-Day (deployment day) at breakneck speed. It's like being on a roller coaster when you're completely terrified of them (which I, and any other normal person, am) and you're begging the guy to let you off. You're pushing at the safety bar in front of you, you're grasping on to his shirt, you're screaming and begging to please get off of the freaking ride! But he ignores you and pulls the lever anyway. In the few seconds that you're inching up a hill so high that a dropped penny would shatter the ground, you've vowed to exact your revenge on coaster man. You take a few seconds for plotting because it takes your mind off of the imminent horror show you're about to endure and then you plummet toward the earth.....deployment has begun. Some days are good days and you're flying high, some days are just plain crappy days and you feel so low, there are so many twists and turns that you've forgotten what the beginning looked like. You're screaming the whole time...but on the inside because you don't want anyone to know you can't handle it. I know that it stops as quickly as it started....when it's over you are so incredibly happy that you've made it and you are so thrilled that you momentarily forget the last 15 endless, tortorous months, albeit momentarily.
I know the ride ends. I know that there's a tunnel and it does indeed have an end. But I'm nearly staring right at the beginning of this tunnel. Just standing here peering into the darkness. It's so dark and endless. There's a light, but it's so far away that I can't see. At that time, two little hands reach up to grab mine. They know I am supposed to lead them to the other side. They know they'll be safe with me, although scared that the big, goofy guy is gone. But I'm scared he'll be gone, too.
I'm not ready. I mean, I've got most of my paperwork together. It's all neat and tidy. The Army could make a two hour briefing on my ability to effectively organize my important family documents. But I'm just not ready to do the single parent dance. And with my family 350 miles away. I don't want to do this, I don't want to be in this place, and I don't care who knows it.
Love that sound
Well, this has been an interesting week. :) We've been a little busier than usual, but I like busy so it's good. School has been going so well! A. wakes up everyday excited to get started, although it isn't long before he's saying something about being bored. I would love to erase that word from the english language. It's about to be banned from this house, that's for sure.
We've got a pretty busy weekend lined up. I've got some more volunteer work to do this weekend. I know we should all be spending time together as a family before the dreaded deployment starts, but I really want Adam to spend time with the boys, also. I know they do silly boy things when Mom's not around to say no. :)
Well, school starts at ten and everyone is in their pj's, so we've got to get moving. (Our rule is everyone has to be dressed before school starts. Well, not Z. He's allowed to wear whatever he wants...which is whatever I put on him after he wakes me up with the sounds of gagging and then...the sound all parents hear over any other noise...the sound of vomit.....)
We've got a pretty busy weekend lined up. I've got some more volunteer work to do this weekend. I know we should all be spending time together as a family before the dreaded deployment starts, but I really want Adam to spend time with the boys, also. I know they do silly boy things when Mom's not around to say no. :)
Well, school starts at ten and everyone is in their pj's, so we've got to get moving. (Our rule is everyone has to be dressed before school starts. Well, not Z. He's allowed to wear whatever he wants...which is whatever I put on him after he wakes me up with the sounds of gagging and then...the sound all parents hear over any other noise...the sound of vomit.....)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Woo hoo for the first day of school!
So we did it! Yesterday was our first official day of homeschooling! It went soooo well! :) We were able to do nearly everything I had planned. Today we might not be so lucky because the baby is sleeping now so I doubt he'll take a nap around 10:00, which is when we start.
The first thing we did was read our first story for Five in a Row. A. liked the story well enough, although it was a little long for him. We discussed China, located it on the map, and talked about how far away it is from us. We talked about how ducks find food in the water and what foods they like to eat. Then, we moved into his math time. Before we can start our math curriculum, I need to be sure he understands numbers, what they look like, quantity, etc. He did better than I expected with that and I was happy! :) Up next was handwriting. He did great...although the exercise was a simple drawing of straight lines. :) On to Phonics! We are reviewing letters to be sure he knows what each letter is. He does great with uppercase so we're practicing lowercase. My goal is to have him reading by Christmas. I know his grandparents will just eat that right up!!! :) After phonics, we started our Bible time. About this time he was losing his patience and Z. was awake and playing in the room with us...which proved to be a distraction (a cute, chubby distraction, but a distraction nonetheless!) so we wrapped it up a little sooner. He did so well! Here are a few of his quotes.
On Sunday night I reminded him that we'd be starting school the next day. He yelled "WOOO HOOOOOO!" and jumped up and down. Then he sat down and said, with an all knowing grin, "I'm gonna be a whole new kid." :)
During school he said "Mom, you need to sound like a teacher, because you still sound like my mom." I replied, "Honey, I am your mom, I'm not sure what else you want me to do." He said, "Well, you could talk like this".....at which point he started speaking in a very high voice with a nice, thick southern twang. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had no desire to develop a southern accent just for the sake of teaching him lowercase letters.
Later he said "Mom, kids probably get bored at your school." I said, "Really, why?" (As opposed to, "Honey, talk to me about boring when you are watching SpongeBob for the 8,923rd time.") He said, in a very matter-of-fact (translation: "I'm 4 so I know it all, duh!) manner, "Because I'm very bored." Oooooooookkkkkkkkk. :)
But all in all, I'm super happy and things went wonderfully well.
Now it's off to quickly eat a bowl of cereal before I have to get things ready for school today. At some point, I have to figure out what I'm wearing to a Tea Party at which I'm volunteering to serve this afternoon. More on that later....
The first thing we did was read our first story for Five in a Row. A. liked the story well enough, although it was a little long for him. We discussed China, located it on the map, and talked about how far away it is from us. We talked about how ducks find food in the water and what foods they like to eat. Then, we moved into his math time. Before we can start our math curriculum, I need to be sure he understands numbers, what they look like, quantity, etc. He did better than I expected with that and I was happy! :) Up next was handwriting. He did great...although the exercise was a simple drawing of straight lines. :) On to Phonics! We are reviewing letters to be sure he knows what each letter is. He does great with uppercase so we're practicing lowercase. My goal is to have him reading by Christmas. I know his grandparents will just eat that right up!!! :) After phonics, we started our Bible time. About this time he was losing his patience and Z. was awake and playing in the room with us...which proved to be a distraction (a cute, chubby distraction, but a distraction nonetheless!) so we wrapped it up a little sooner. He did so well! Here are a few of his quotes.
On Sunday night I reminded him that we'd be starting school the next day. He yelled "WOOO HOOOOOO!" and jumped up and down. Then he sat down and said, with an all knowing grin, "I'm gonna be a whole new kid." :)
During school he said "Mom, you need to sound like a teacher, because you still sound like my mom." I replied, "Honey, I am your mom, I'm not sure what else you want me to do." He said, "Well, you could talk like this".....at which point he started speaking in a very high voice with a nice, thick southern twang. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had no desire to develop a southern accent just for the sake of teaching him lowercase letters.
Later he said "Mom, kids probably get bored at your school." I said, "Really, why?" (As opposed to, "Honey, talk to me about boring when you are watching SpongeBob for the 8,923rd time.") He said, in a very matter-of-fact (translation: "I'm 4 so I know it all, duh!) manner, "Because I'm very bored." Oooooooookkkkkkkkk. :)
But all in all, I'm super happy and things went wonderfully well.
Now it's off to quickly eat a bowl of cereal before I have to get things ready for school today. At some point, I have to figure out what I'm wearing to a Tea Party at which I'm volunteering to serve this afternoon. More on that later....
Saturday, September 8, 2007
I could always go shopping...
Ok, so originally I wanted this to be a blog about our upcoming homeschooling adventures. I was going to make another blog about my life, the upcoming deployment, whatever else. But how can I seperate them? Homeschooling will be as much of my life as my husband's deployment, which is as much of my life as anything else. There's no way I can make this a specific blog....because there's no way I can keep up two or more blogs! :)
So anyway, I am overflowing today with 239 ideas. I don't know where to start, where to go, where it ends.... pretty typical for me, though.
Today, on my plate, in my head are deployment ideas. I want to make a kit of things to send with Adam, journaling things, devotional things, thinking of you things, etc. I have to start working on it now because he leaves soon. I am also searching for a devotional book for myself but there aren't a whole lot to choose from. I would also like to get something for A. (Z.'s too little for much of that right now!) but I don't know of much that is geared toward his age. There are a few books to choose from for military wives, but I don't need an introduction into army life, I've been living it for 4 1/2 years.
I also have articles to write, a house to clean, school stuff to get ready for Monday.....
We were supposed to do some stuff today, but the rain has pretty much cancelled all outdoor activities. I could always go shopping....
So anyway, I am overflowing today with 239 ideas. I don't know where to start, where to go, where it ends.... pretty typical for me, though.
Today, on my plate, in my head are deployment ideas. I want to make a kit of things to send with Adam, journaling things, devotional things, thinking of you things, etc. I have to start working on it now because he leaves soon. I am also searching for a devotional book for myself but there aren't a whole lot to choose from. I would also like to get something for A. (Z.'s too little for much of that right now!) but I don't know of much that is geared toward his age. There are a few books to choose from for military wives, but I don't need an introduction into army life, I've been living it for 4 1/2 years.
I also have articles to write, a house to clean, school stuff to get ready for Monday.....
We were supposed to do some stuff today, but the rain has pretty much cancelled all outdoor activities. I could always go shopping....
Friday, September 7, 2007
A blog for Nicolee-olie-o
Yay! I finally have a place other than MySpace to blog! :)
Hola from the Armpit of Kentucky!! Ok, that's not really the name of the city I live in, but it should be. Anyway....
I'm Nicole. I'm a wife to the incredible hotness that is my husband, Adam. We have 2 little boys. A. and Z. A. is four and Z. is 9 months old. We are an Army family. WOO HOO! My husband is heading to a big dusty sandbox in a few weeks and we're chillin' here in our tiny little house. This is his second trip there, but his third year across the lake. It sucks, but you deal with it.
I will start homeschooling my little man on Monday, September 10. YAY FOR KINDERGARTEN! Homeschooling has not always been a passion of mine, but for several reasons, it's what Adam and I have chosen to do for A. at this point in his life. Maybe I'll continue for many, many years...maybe just until we move far away from here. Who knows.
I am a newspaper columnist (uhhh, I have so much work to do today!!). I write a newspaper article each week for our local paper with games and crafts for parents of preschoolers. It's fun to do and even more fun for my son, my favorite guinea pig! :) I also do volunteer work for the Army, because I love them so much. I also try my hand at many different crafts, never perfecting one before I move on to another. :)
I have six brothers. Yep, six. J. is 24, L. is 22, Z. is 8, j. is 7, R. is 6, and little tiny B. is 1 week old. :) A few of us have the same parents, a few of us have the same dad, and a few of us have that dorky "step" label. It doesn't matter, I love them all.
I also have a sweet, wonderful, cute, precious nephew that I love SO DEARLY. He's L II and he's nearly 2 years old. I just wish I could see him more often. :(
Ok, so there's a little bit about me. Enough to get this blog going, anyway. :)
I'll be back as I LOVE to talk and I love to type! Much to the dismay of my husband.....
Hola from the Armpit of Kentucky!! Ok, that's not really the name of the city I live in, but it should be. Anyway....
I'm Nicole. I'm a wife to the incredible hotness that is my husband, Adam. We have 2 little boys. A. and Z. A. is four and Z. is 9 months old. We are an Army family. WOO HOO! My husband is heading to a big dusty sandbox in a few weeks and we're chillin' here in our tiny little house. This is his second trip there, but his third year across the lake. It sucks, but you deal with it.
I will start homeschooling my little man on Monday, September 10. YAY FOR KINDERGARTEN! Homeschooling has not always been a passion of mine, but for several reasons, it's what Adam and I have chosen to do for A. at this point in his life. Maybe I'll continue for many, many years...maybe just until we move far away from here. Who knows.
I am a newspaper columnist (uhhh, I have so much work to do today!!). I write a newspaper article each week for our local paper with games and crafts for parents of preschoolers. It's fun to do and even more fun for my son, my favorite guinea pig! :) I also do volunteer work for the Army, because I love them so much. I also try my hand at many different crafts, never perfecting one before I move on to another. :)
I have six brothers. Yep, six. J. is 24, L. is 22, Z. is 8, j. is 7, R. is 6, and little tiny B. is 1 week old. :) A few of us have the same parents, a few of us have the same dad, and a few of us have that dorky "step" label. It doesn't matter, I love them all.
I also have a sweet, wonderful, cute, precious nephew that I love SO DEARLY. He's L II and he's nearly 2 years old. I just wish I could see him more often. :(
Ok, so there's a little bit about me. Enough to get this blog going, anyway. :)
I'll be back as I LOVE to talk and I love to type! Much to the dismay of my husband.....
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