My homeschooling head is heavy tonight. I often feel like I don't do enough with the boys. Part of me wants to just enjoy having little kids right now and not be so strict and regimented with learning. Adisson's only in Kindergarten and I feel he exceeds expectations of public schooled kids so part of me just wants to let him enjoy these last few months of being silly and having a good time more often than not. I know, life is still fun in the first grade! and that it won't be too much different than it is now. I'm just hoping that next year we can have more of a schedule, a plan, a routine, and expectations of what needs to be accomplished each day for school.

And my little 2 year old. Some Mama's do some amazing activities with their toddlers and we don't do enough I don't think. I know I shouldn't compare but I am now wondering, am I not pushing my kids enough? Are they not learning enough? Am I not using all the brain power in their little heads? Am I just too easy going when it comes to schooling?

I guess another reason I'm not more scheduled is that I'm often ill. I've been sick since Christmas. Some days are good, some days are not so good, and other days, it takes all that I have to get up. I know I should see a doctor and discuss possible issues (though I have a pretty good idea of what's going on), but I'm not sure how to approach my Care Manager (I don't see a doctor on post, but a nurse) with my concerns without sounding like a flake that spends too much time online.

I want to provide my children with the best education possible, and let me tell you, right now, I don't feel like I'm offering it. I am not even a little bit considering public school, but I am wondering how I can make this better....how I can be the homeschooling Mama I wanna be. I'm praying about it, pretty often, but I'll be praying even harder.

In the meantime, it's bedtime.