Holy smokes! I'm a tired mom tonight. So it would stand to make sense that I go to bed at 12:30 in the morning instead of blog, but I'm a chatterbox, er, uh, a typerbox??
Yesterday, I finally (FINALLY!!) got my boys registered with CYS. What is that you ask? Well, even if you didn't it is Children and Youth Services. And it's not like child protective services or anything. In the Army, if you have dependent children, they have to be registered with the post CYS in order to participate in any sports programs or receive childcare. We'd like to get tumbling in some gymnastics so we finally got our registration updated.... a year late. :) Not that it matters, you don't get in trouble if you don't do it, you just get excluded from participation in activities.
Then last night, which seems so long ago, Adisson went to his first Master's Club meeting. :) Which he LOVED! It's like AWANA's if you are familiar with that. He's VERY excited to go back next week. It's at a church we don't attend, because our church doesn't have a children's program that meets during the week due to location issues, but we are getting to know some of the people there as it's where we pick up our food from the Angel Food Ministries. Which, by the way, I LOVE!!!
Today we had our first Cloverbud meeting. Cloverbuds is a branch of 4H for younger kids (K-3rd) and the local homeschool group has a homeschool specific Cloverbuds group. And we went. I didn't care much for it, as nearly all of the moms knew each other and showed verrrrry little interest in getting to know me. But Adisson had a great time. :) So we'll go back.
We did other things today, but I guess I'll talk about my appearance insecurities.
I'm a petite person. I'm barely five feet tall and weigh under a hundred pounds. So to start with, I look like I'm getting ready to enter high school....not like I'm approaching my thirties. And don't say it. Please don't say "You'll love it when you're forty." because really, I don't care about what I'll love fourteen years from now. Just once, I wanna go somewhere that I'm not judged because I look so young. So I had my oldest son when I was 20. I'm 26 now....clearly that's an adult age. I just want to be treated like an adult, and not like I'm out with my little brothers. Sure my dad has kids that are just a little older than my son, and one that's younger than both of them, but I'm not out shopping with my brothers. These are my children. I guess I make matters a little more difficult as well. See, my husband and I, we're a little more contemporary than your run of the mill homeschooling family. Adam's got like eleven tattoos and gauges out his ears when he's on leave from work. I have three tattoos, with more planned, I dye my hair black and recently got my lip pierced (uhhhh, Grandma, I think you were there when I called Mom, so I hope this isn't a shock for you!!).
Maybe I bring it on myself. Maybe I should try to look more like the soccer mom you know that drives a minivan (I'm also a soccer mom that drives a minivan). But instead of being secure with who I am, I feel like I have to defend myself. I'm a pretty good mom. Sure, it gets a little hairy around here when Dad's been gone for eleven months. I am quicker to anger, quicker to yell, but it's incredibly stressful to be an Army family when Daddy's in Iraq. Although I shouldn't make excuses. But I love my boys. I love them so very much. I love them so much I feel like I am doing the best I can by ensuring the best education I think they can receive by homeschooling them. I love them so much that I do all that I can to be sure that they are happy, healthy, and know that every single day, they have two parents that would, and do, everything we can to show them how much we love them.
Even though I shouldn't concern myself with the ignorance of strangers, the remarks, the stares, the avoidance, the blatant disregard....it's hurtful. I'm a mom, too. Just trying to be the best mom I can to the most amazing children God could have given me. Even if I look like I'm 14.
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